the sound of your voice

The Lord is very, very merciful and gracious to me. I cannot even comprehend how very much He loves me.

And, in His faithfulness and kindness, He shows me the depths of my sinful heart while also showing me His deep compassion for me. For example ...

Last week, Bella started this new habit. She'd call out my name from the other room, "MAMA!!" and I'd respond, "Yes, baby?" or "What, Bella?" or "I'm in the kitchen!" etc.
And then she'd say, "Nevermind."
 
I confess, after about two days, this new habit started to really bother me. It was happening about every 20 or 30 minutes, all day long. I would be startled by the sound of my name, stop what I was doing to respond, and then, it would be for no reason at all. As silly as this sounds, I started to feel  frustrated. I didn't want to feel this way, so I asked Bella to come talk to me in my bedroom.

"I need to talk to you about something, baby. I have noticed that you have been saying my name a lot lately. And, I don't mind when you call my name because you need to ask me a question or you want to show me something or you need my help... but, you are just saying my name a lot and then, when I answer you, you don't really need me at all. I don't understand, and I need to tell you that I don't like it when you do that. When I hear my children calling out to me, I stop what I'm doing and I want to help them or listen to them. But, you are kind of tricking me because you are calling out my name, and then you say, "Nevermind." or "Nothing, mama."

Bella nodded. However, I was still confused. I was hoping for an explanation.

"Well, can you tell me why you are saying my name? Why do you say "Mommy!" and then, you don't really need me?"
 
Bella looked thoughtful. "I just really like to hear the sound of your voice."

Oh, my heart just broke. Her sweet words echoed in my ears. The Holy Spirit opened my eyes and I could see my own selfish sin in this situation. I reached out and hugged our youngest daughter for a long, long time. I couldn't even believe that I had been frustrated by my baby. I pray that Bella will always enjoy hearing her mommy's voice, but so so much more importantly, I pray that she'll have a relationship with Christ. I pray that Bella will call out to the Lord and take comfort in knowing He is always listening. I pray she will listen to His voice and obey His commands. 

The Lord reminded me that I need to desire to hear His voice throughout the day. (Bella's new habit needs to be my own habit with my Heavenly Father!) He showed me that I need be calling out to Him, even when I don't necessarily have a request or a reason, but just because I delight in His voice.

God is just so very good to me.

"God proves His own love for us in that while we were still sinners Christ died for us."- Romans 5:8